I remember why I took a break from dating. My condition never really helped whenever I was in a relationship. I’d overreact and get upset over nothing or get insanely mad over the simplest things. Maybe I never really went out with the right person or it just wasn’t the right time for me.
For some unknown reason, it’s all different this time around. It could be that I’m older now or maybe because I’ve actually learned to love myself first before I can love anyone else.
The little things that used to bother me…. I couldn’t care less about. I know I deserve respect and honesty. Just like everyone else does. Basically… I’m falling and I don’t remember ever being this happy in my life. It’s just nice knowing that someone actually cares for me.
Whenever I think of you, and I’m feeling a bit sad… I usually turn on this song. It makes me feel so much better. I know it is going to be some time before I see you again. I think of all the good memories we have had together. I just try to think of the good times. It sometimes make me sad. But usually it makes me happy.
I haven’t blogged in a while. I’ve been writing long hand instead. It just feels more natural to me. I’m thinking of transferring the long handed poems and writing on to my blog. I might do that today. Or not. Lol.
Jesus I think I love you way too much. It hasn’t even been that long. I don’t really think time really matters though. I could literally know you for only one month and still fall in love with you.
Coincidentally that is what actually happened. No idea how or why. It just happened that way. Lol.
I’m literally just putting all my thoughts right now in this post. I’ll probably not even edit the damn thing. Lol.
I was just going to write something about this song but I’m getting so into typing on my laptop it’s exciting. Lol.
No idea why but it just makes me happy. I’m in my own little world and no one is bothering me. It’s the greatest feeling ever…. Besides the feelings I get when I’m with you.
That there is the best feeling I get. Every day that I’m with you becomes the new best day of my life..
Jesus that was so cheesy. Lol.
I thought this love would last
I guess I was wrong
I fell too hard
And too fast
You just played along
Just because something wasn’t said… My reasoning was pretty shitty though. Who in their right mind would say something like that?
Oh right… Me.. I wasn’t medicated properly. But I can’t really blame it on that. That in fact was my fault as well. Oops.. Did I say it was my fault? Technically it was.
And still is..
See, I don’t want to take my medication because I want to feel normal. To actually feel some kind of emotion. But I’ve now just realized that when I do take my medication, it levels everything out. I seem “normal” compared to other peoples emotions.
This relationship is… I don’t know anymore. I’m fine one minute then the next I’m running out of the car trying to get to my room as fast as possible so no one sees me crying. Fuck emotions.
But I am actually In Love and I don’t think it will work. I’m too damaged. And I always will be. We need to talk. I need to figure this out. WE need to figure this out.
I know the walls I’ve built are coming down. This scares me so much. I’m terrified to let him in.
But I will. It’s for the best. I think. Just let go and be happy.Take a risk.