Just Live


Just live like I was before I met him until it’s that time again.

It shouldn’t be that hard honestly. But the overthinking is really making it difficult.

Sometimes I wish I couldn’t feel. I know it is a weird wish but it is so true.

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I Don’t Understand. Why Now?


I Don’t Understand.

Why Now?

It’s like I’m trying to feel something.

Sadness.

I can’t even seem to manage a tear tonight when any other night it’s just too easy.

All that I can figure out is anger and rage.

Maybe it’s finally time.

To not be crying every night and just be pissed at the world again.

I honestly don’t know anymore.

Sometimes It’s All Just Too Much


I remember why I took a break from dating. My condition never really helped whenever I was in a relationship. I’d overreact and get upset over nothing or get insanely mad over the simplest things. Maybe I never really went out with the right person or it just wasn’t the right time for me.

For some unknown reason, it’s all different this time around. It could be that I’m older now or maybe because I’ve actually learned to love myself first before I can love anyone else.

The little things that used to bother me…. I couldn’t care less about. I know I deserve respect and honesty. Just like everyone else does. Basically… I’m falling and I don’t remember ever being this happy in my life. It’s just nice knowing that someone actually cares for me.

Total Stranger


So the other day, I took the bus to the mall.

Just like any other day that I’m bored lol

While I was at the terminal.. I sat down next to a random stranger who I have never met before ever.

We sat and talked for a while. She told me that she went to the same college I went to. She told me about her kids..

Then she started talking to me about how I put myself down. And how she just knows that I do that by only looking at me.

I guess it’s the way I carry myself.

The advice she gave me almost brought me to tears. In fucking public!

“Don’t let anyone bring you down. You’re better then this. You can do anything you want to in life. I know you can. If I can do this so can you. Next time I see you, I know you’re going to do great. I know I’m just a stranger to you but everything will fall into place. Just be yourself and don’t let anyone bring you down”.

I Did What Was Suggested


So tonight, I went out.

I took some advice and tried to not think about the stuff that gets me down so much.

It actually kind of worked.

Whenever my mind wandered to the fact that I can’t be with that person…

Instead of thinking negatively, I thought about the great times we had..

I felt a lot more positive about the situation.

No idea..

Just some thoughts..

Missing


It really sucks when you start missing someone.

It’s like.. You’re talking to them at the current moment. Then you remember you can’t actually be with them right now. You miss it.. Wishing you could be there now. Like right now 😦

I know this is supposed to get easier but it really isn’t. It’s actually getting harder each day that I’m without him. This is so friggin bad. I’m falling way too hard lol

I might just break down but I’m really trying to stay positive at the moment. Because if I don’t… All hell will break loose. And no one wants that. Especially me. I’m trying to keep it together. Anxiety usually wins though. It’s not easy.

 

Damn..